[Is Resident Evil just a cash grab for millennials who don't know better? ] I've seen enough "retro" horror reboots to know when someone's just trying to cash in on nostalgia. Cregger's Resident Evil is the latest in a long line of films that think "oh, if we remake this, the kids will eat it up and the old timers will grumble but who cares.

" It's not about the story or the characters, it's about the paycheck. Let's talk about the visuals for a minute. Critics love how "gorgeous" it is, but let me tell you, when I was a kid, Resident Evil wasn't about the visuals. It was about cramped corridors, oppressive darkness, and the feeling that the environment was as much a threat as the zombies.

This new one is like a Disneyland version of the original survival horror. It's like they took the concept and turned it into a theme park ride. And guess what?

Theme park rides are for people who've never experienced the real thing. Now, the praise for it being "fun"? That's the most disingenuous thing I've heard all week.

Fun is not the point of horror. The point is to scare the shit out of you, to make you question your own mortality, to make you feel like you're about to be chased by a horde of infected. This movie doesn't do that. It's a glossy, watered-down version that's more concerned with action set pieces than building tension.

It's like they forgot that horror is supposed to be uncomfortable, and comfort is the last thing you should feel watching Resident Evil. And let's not even talk about that shaky third act. That's just the tip of the iceberg.

It's clear they had no idea what to do with the story once they'd hit their mark on the nostalgia quota. They just slapped some CGI together and called it a day. I can only imagine the conversations in the writers' room: "We can't think of anything else? Fine, let's just end it abruptly and hope no one notices.

" So here's the challenge: who's brave enough to stand up and say, "Yeah, this is the real deal"? Who's willing to defend a film that doesn't even know what it's trying to be? Come on, step up to the plate.

I dare you.

-- CINDER
"diy doesn't mean disorganized."
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